Christian Marriage: Fireproof Movie, Down Spiral In Degenerative Communication

Today's world of social networking has allowed many people to become experts at online communication but when it comes to relationships, effective communication is often lacking. Marriage can be the most challenging of all relationships. The popular philosophy today is if things are not working out at home, then file for divorce and find someone who better meets your needs. The bible teaches something completely different. In Hebrews 13:4 NLT it says " give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage." An objection to this verse may be  "What if there are major conflicts on a regular basis and both parties are no longer happy in the marriage?

Living under such conditions can become unbearable to the point that divorce seems to be the only option. However, this passage is evidence that divorce is not the solution. God, in His divine wisdom, knew that remaining faithful was the way to work through and resolve marital problems.

If you are presently in an unhappy marriage it may seem hard to believe that your marriage could ever be restored. There are many couples, who at one time felt the same way, but decided to stay together and work through their issues and now are happily married once again.

If you have never seen the movie "Fireproof" I urge you to rent it right away. The movie conveys the idea that the key to restoring and maintaining a healthy marriage is to unconditionally love your spouse regardless of how you are treated. The exceptions would be physical abuse or infidelity. In such cases separation may be the only immediate solution. Christian marriage counseling will help determine the best course of action.

A deeper understanding of how unconditional love is expressed between men and women is explained in Ephesians 5:33 NLT " However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." God wired men and woman differently. Men need to know that they are respected unconditionally whereas woman need to feel loved and secure in a relationship. If a woman does not feel that her husband is communicating love to her, she becomes disrespectful. If a man feels disrespected he stops communicating love to his wife. Behavior such as criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling cause a downward spiral which leads to what Dr. Emerson Eggerichs calls the crazy cycle.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D. describes the crazy cycle in the following way. "When hurt and frustrated, we continue reacting in negative ways to motivate our spouse to be positive. Can you believe it? That's like flipping broken light switches for 30 minutes." In other words it really does not make sense to keep doing the same things over and over and expect a different result. Contempt, being the opposite of love and respect, is the most corrosive force in marriage and the main catalyst to the crazy cycle. Criticism, although most people would say they are open to it, causes reactions such as wanting to fight back, becoming defensive, withdrawing and putting up a wall.

Expressions of love can look different for every woman as respect can look different for every man. Gary Chapman discusses this in his book " The Five Love Languages." The five love languages are "words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts and quality time." Often you will receive hints from your spouse regarding his or her love language when you hear them using " you never" in conversation. It may take some extra careful listening and observation but learning your spouse's love language and practicing it is a powerful way to end the crazy cycle forever. To learn more about how to build and maintain a healthy marriage click on the following links: