Christian Marriage Part 4: How A Husband Can Effectively Show His Wife Love

Every married man eventually comes to realize that loving his wife the way she needs to be loved is not as easy as he once thought. Usually attempts to please his wife have to do with what pleases him. This is not always solely based on meeting his own needs. Often it is based on the belief that what meets his needs will meet his wife's needs. The most important expression of love for men is sexual intimacy and shared experiences. What most men do not fully appreciate is that God in His divine wisdom made men and women differently. Woman have a built in need for connectivity. Genesis 2:24,25 says " For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh..." Joining or connectivity is multifaceted.

Connectivity which spells love to a woman, means becoming close on a spiritual, emotional and intellectual level through effective communication.This involves sharing feelings, thoughts and emotions. Physically, a woman wants to be touched often by her husband in a non-sexual manner. This type of touch spells love to her, whereas always touching with sexual intent comes across with selfish intent.

One Sunday morning in church, the marriage counseling pastor got up to the pulpit to deliver the message to the congregation. The first words out of his mouth were "God made marriage impossible." He went on to discuss how men and women are wired differently making effective connectivity unattainable. The point of his message was that marriage was never designed to be successful without God. As we make efforts to grow closer to God each day, we are empowered to draw closer to our spouses. However this doesn't take place automatically. Understanding how men and women are wired differently and learning how to meet the needs of our spouse is vital to a successful marriage.

A major difference between men and women is that men lean towards independence whereas woman lean towards involvement. Men connect through shared experiences rather than communication. For example, a man will feel a strong connection with his wife if she silently watches him fix the car. A woman on the other hand will believe the silence means her husband has no interest in connecting with her.

One of the most important times for husband to connect with his wife is as soon as he gets home from work. This communicates to his wife that he loves her and has been looking forward to seeing her all day. If he acts on his natural inclination for some alone time, it communicates to his wife that he does not love her. When a man becomes aware of his wife's need for communication and a wife becomes aware of her husband's need for alone time a compromise can be reached where both needs are met. Even when a compromise is reached it often requires more strength than is available to continually meet the needs of our mate. This is one of the reasons why it is necessary to continually draw closer to God through daily prayer and mediation on His word.

Effective communication is a vital part of a healthy marriage but communication may lead to conflict, conflict may leads to disagreement, disagreement may lead to fault finding which may lead to contempt. Contempt is the number one cause of all divorce today. Colossians 3:7 says "Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way..." and verse 19 says "Husbands love your wives and be not embittered against them." If either the husband or wife has an embittered spirit, urgent healing is necessary if the marriage is to be saved. A good quality bible-based church will have programs available designed to heal a wounded spirit.

The soul is a covering and a protection for the spirit. It consists of the mind, will and emotions. Recognizing that are spouse is a work in progress and choosing not to be too deeply effected by hurtful words is an effective way to guard the spirit. At the same time it is important to guard the tongue. With God's help, words can be edifying and uplifting rather than critical and condescending.

Loyalty is another key component necessary for a husband to effectively love his wife. Men get their self-image from their work but women get their self-image from their family. In the world we live in, as time goes by, the value of a man tends to increase, whereas the value of a women tends to decrease. A husband can show loyalty to his wife by always speaking highly of her in public and by not fantasizing over younger women. Unhealthy thoughts inevitably lead to unhealthy actions with devastating consequences. To learn more about how to build and maintain a healthy marriage click on the following links: