Christian Marriage Part 3: God Centered In Marriage Prevents Divorce

Today, there are different ideas about what "true love" between a man and a woman means. The most popular belief is that being in love is a feeling and as long a relationship brings happiness and fulfillment it is meant to be. Many marriages start out this way, but sooner or later, the feelings of love begin to decrease and unpleasant conflicts begin to increase. Those that have been married for awhile begin seeing various flaws and shortcomings in their spouse and most importantly, that their needs are not being met. What was once a happy marriage becomes an unhappy and painful routine. Many people believe that unhappiness in marriage is an indicator of incompatibility, which makes divorce seem to be the only solution. The truth is that incompatibility is a myth. The real issue is stubbornness, selfishness and an unwillingness to work to save the relationship.

Divorce has become the popular answer to marriage difficulties because of the way marriage is viewed by most people today. Marriage is viewed as a contract. A contract protects an individuals rights and limits their responsibility. People who enter marriage with a contract mentality do so with a selfish attitude that says I will stay in this marriage as long as it is good for me. God never intended marriage be a contract, but rather a covenant. The marriage covenant says that you lose your rights and gain the responsibility of caring for your spouse “until death do us part.”

Entering marriage with a self-centered, contract mentality causes a non-committal attitude to prevail. When both husband and wife have this attitude it is impossible to create an atmosphere of security because security grows out of commitment. Having a great marriage will never be possible as long as divorce is an option.

A marriage relationship deepens and intimacy develops when we commit to the relationship by laying down our rights and putting the needs of our spouse first. Staying married should never be based on happiness because we will not always be happily married. However, couples who commit to stay together and are willing to be unhappy and work through their difficulties will in time discover that the unhappy times do not last.

Great marriages are based on great friendships. We should be our spouses most loyal and faithful friend. John 15:13NKJ says " Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." True friendship puts our friends needs before our own.

A successful marriage involves teamwork. Building a successful team requires support, encouragement and cooperation. Unfortunately, human nature is selfish and unable to support, encourage and cooperate without selfish motives. If selfish desires are not met, the desire to work at the marriage does not last. The way to build a successful marriage is with God’s help. Overcoming selfishness is the key to a happy and fulfilling marriage. Only the Holy Spirit can give the strength necessary to overcome selfishness and love our spouse unconditionally for a lifetime. 1Cor 10:24 NLT says “ Don’t be concerned for your own good, but for the good of others.”

A big part of overcoming selfishness is learning to compromise and be flexible. According to Dictionary.com compromise means “ a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; and agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.” In order for a long term relationship to survive compromise is essential. There is no way to overemphasize how dangerous inflexibility and stubbornness are in marriage. In fact, more marriages end due to inflexibility than alcoholism, abuse or adultery. To learn more about how to build and maintain a healthy marriage click on the following links: